Spot the difference...

I'm so fucking tired of trying to make people understand what the hell it is that I'm saying. Most of all I want to punch the lights out on those who can't comprehend the difference between not being able to do something and not wanting to do something. Take a closer look at it.

I cannot lift 100 kilos.
I do not want to lift 100 kilos.

Did you spot the difference? How about this then?

I cannot run.
I do not want to run.

Did you spot it this time too? Good for you. How can it be so hard to comprehend?
I'm banging my head against a wall of total stupidity and the only thing that I get from it is an intense headache.

It sorta reminds me of a story from when I was young. It was at a party and one (drunken) guy was loudly telling a guy in a wheelchair that he was a looser and whatnot, and that he would be able to walk if he really wanted  it. Two other guys grabbed the loud guy and threw him out the window while telling him that he could fly if he really wanted to.

The loud guy did not fly.

Darkest Day

Divided soul of a troubled man

The final fight

The final need to understand

These tangled roots

ripped from the ground

Abandonment and worry

Forever to be found

Rain. Rain. Rain

Take this hand of sorrow

Take away my darkest days

Rain. Rain. Rain.

Take away my darkest days

Return me for I feel I'm here to say

For just one moment of peace I long to know

I can see the storm clouds calling me back home

The blood of the hurricane where the water is never still

Life is a loaded gun

Love is a bullet that sometimes kills

-=[Black Label Society]=-

I want you to kill me...

I have never felt such frustration

Or lack of self control

I want you to kill me

And dig me under, I wanna live no more

One who doesn't care is one who shouldn't be

I've tried to hide myself from what is

Wrong for me, for me

I want to taste dirty, a stinging pistol

In my mouth, on my tongue

I want you to scrape me from the walls

And go crazy like you've made me

-=[Alice in Chains]=-

Going down...

I'm stuck in a down spiral and I've been trying to get out of it, but now I think it's time to simply give up, sink and hopefully drown. The stress and sorrow that has been my life during the last couple of months is breaking me and I don't know how to put myself together again. How can you live when life hurts so bad that you want to be permanently sedated. Needless to say, I'm back on the juice again and I'm not even trying to make any excuses for it.

Fairness is a human idea.

Life itself is not human.

Better it would be

(Biomechanoid by H.R Giger)

Better it would be for me

And better it would have been

Had I not been born, not grown

Not been brought into the world

Not had to come to this earth

Not been suckled for the world

If I'd died a three-night-old

Been lost in my swaddling hand

I'd have needed but a span of doth

A span more of wood,

But a cubit of goof earth

Two words from the priest

Three verses from the cantor

One clang from the bell

-=[Amorphis]=-

Hush...

Hush little baby don't you cry
Daddys gunna sing you a lullaby
To show he cares.
But you must keep our secret safe
Is this love or is this hate?
I feel so scared.

Son of a bitch you broke my heart
I need a little loving
To take away the pain
How could you let me down
When I'm in your care?

-=[Tasmin Archer]=-

Wyrd - Kalivägi

The day I tried to live

(Paranoia by Henning Büllier)

Words you say never seem

To live up to the ones inside your head

The lives we make never seem

To ever get us anywhere but dead

The day I tried to live

I wallowed in the blood and mud with

All the other pigs

With a broken neck, Lays my broken gift, Just like suicide

(Devil's Food - Olivia de Berardinis)

Like Suicide - Soundgarden

Heard it from another room

Eyes were waking up

Just to fall asleep

Love's like suicide

Dazed out in a garden bed

With a broken neck

Lays my broken gift

Just like suicide

And my last ditch

Was my last brick

Lent to finish her

Finish her

She lived like a murder

How she'd fly so sweetly

She lived like a murder

But she died just like suicide

Bit down on the bullet now

I had a taste so sour

I had to think of something sweet

Love's like suicide

Safe outside my gilded cage

With an ounce of pain

I wield a ton of rage

Just like suicide

With eyes of blood

And bitter blue

How I feel for you

I feel for you

She lived like a murder

How she'd fly so sweetly

She lived like a murder

But she died just like suicide

Yeah

And my last ditch

Was my last brick

Lent to finish her

Finish her

With eyes of blood

And bitter blue

How I feel for you

I feel for you

I feel for you

I feel for you

I feel, oh

I feel for you

She lived like a murder

How she'd fly so sweetly

She lived like a murder

But she died just like suicide

Sometimes paranoia's...

... just having all the facts.

What do you do when you run out of options?

(Nusch Eluard by Dora Maar 1932)

When the only thing left is the unacceptable? When you are trapped between what you need and what you can't have, and there is no other way out. Only one door left.