Dick Trick

Take one hard dick and draw stripes with a red lipstick, or a red permanent marker if you don't like the smear. Polish the knob and sprinkle glitter over it for that "magical" effect, then pour one bucket of snow or finely crushed ice over it all. Congratulations! You now have you very own North Pole. =)

Safety tip: Make sure that the man that the dick is attached to is tied up with unbreakable restraints.