Oh the horror!

Nope, I don't celebrate Halloween but I still have a real life "horror story" to share. It's about a friend of mine, a nice hardworking guy, that suddenly had his wife file for divorce because she had met some guy on the internets. He never saw it coming, perhaps because he was working so hard to support his wife and their five kids and he was totally devastated. Somehow he he got his act together and filed for custody of the kids since she planned to move them all to another part of the country. That's when the next shock struck, she laughed at him and told him that there was no way he would get the kids because they were not his.

Picture that, twelve years in what you think is a happy faithful marriage and having five kids that you think are your own and that you love more than anything else, and it's all a lie.

They've done DNA tests of all the kids and it turns out that one of the kids is actually his but that's really no comfort when you have four other kids that you love like your own too. The ex wife (who is pregnant again by the way) refuses to tell who the other fathers are and he is now filing for custody for those kids too since he's the only father they know. It's still unlikely that he'll get custody but he feel that they deserve as much since he still loves them.

The memory of his eyes haunts me.

I can't stop wondering what it would be like, to see myself mirrored through his eyes once more. One more stolen moment, one more plunge into the dark swirling rapids of passion that we shared. The scent of his naked skin follow me as I walk down memory lane and remember the soft kisses his lips placed om my breasts.  Raw and sincere lust, no complications and no other intentions, I wonder how life had been if we had not crashed and burned. Would the flame still be burning or would it have faded as it was strained through the sands of time.
I still look for him even though I know he's not here anymore, I hope to see him even when I know that it's for the best if I don't. Still, I wonder what it would be like to touch him one more time...

Histroy teaches us...

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

It's been less than a week...

... since I decided that I don't want to watch TV anymore and cancelled the whole deal. This morning I had a sales guy behind the door that "had heard" that I was dissatisfied with my TV subscription and he wanted to sell me "something better".

Bloody idiot!

I didn't bite his head off but it was close.

What do we need to defeat evil after good has failed?

A greater evil of course.

Crazy Horse - Black Label Society

A vision sent for the heavens
To see
This is a good day to die
Now follow me

I Lost My Mind - Ramones

I lost my mind

I lost my mind

I lost my mind

I lost my mind

Give me some skin

Give me some gin

Give me some wine

I lost my mind

I lost my mind

I lost my mind

Numb my brain

I've been playing a long series of small hidden object games lately. Brain numbingly simple and just what I need when I can't numb my mind with something better. I've worked my way through a load of crap not really worthy of mentioning, then the Agatha Christie games and the Amazing Adventures games that are not that bad. The games that really has gotten me hooked are the Dream Chronicle series. They are easy to work through in a short time while multitasking and/or being juiced, the story is actually somewhat entertaining and the graphics cute enough to spark my imagination. Really worth playing through as a simple and short time waster, but not something for those who like to be challenged whiles playing.

Slightly out of sync...

I've actually missed something that's I wish I hadn't. Spirit Day, was on the 20th and people were wearing purple to show solidarity to the LGBTQ community. The idea came about after a series of suicides among LGBTQ teens that was bullied because of who they were.

I strongly dislike bullies of all kinds and I wish I had been aware so that I could have participated. The thing with bullies though is that they don't go away simply because people protest one day, people need to stand up to them every day. So, I'm going purple even though it's not spirit day anymore. 

Hang 'm out to dry

I found this story in my local newspaper and I decided to Google it to find the whole story behind. What surprised me was they I couldn't find the same photos in the English articles about it.

Col. Russell Williams indulged his fetish for women's and girl's lingerie by taking thousands of pornographic photographs of himself wearing their stolen underwear — and sometimes masturbating for the camera — before his sexual obsession escalated to sex assault and murder, court heard Monday. ( Source; Yahoo.)

I'm usually careful to not out people because of their sexual fetishes but in this case it's a murderer and a pedo and because of that I don't give a damn.

This horrifying shit-head did not only dress in women's lingerie, he broke into homes to steal the items, he targeted not only women but little girls and he ended up sexually assaulting two women and killing two women. Apparently this military tough guy asked the cops if they could be discrete about his fetish, and we can all see how that went.

I do believe...

Whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger.

No more TV for me.

Over the years I've become increasingly irritated over the commercials that's thrown at me when I turn the TV on. On some TV channels there are more commercials than actual programmes, and we're paying to see it.  That's the first thing that irritates me, I'm paying to see something but I still have to have my experience interrupted by commercials. Would people at the movies pay to see the movie if it was interrupted every 7 minutes to give place for 10 minutes of commercials? Don't think so. Would people buy DVDs if they had to endure commercials as they have to on TV. Don't think so. Still people pay to watch commercials on TV.

As if that's not enough there is also the message and "quality" of the commercials to consider.

A new study shows that 85% of the women feel insulted by the commercials that's aimed at them. It's really shocking. 15% of the women don't see anything wrong in how women are portrayed in commercials. That's only the commercials aimed at women mind you, the ones where women are ecstatic over a new washing detergent, devastated over split hair ends or where they can finally live a "normal" life because now they have  a new type of tampon.  

Commercials insult peoples intelligence, IMO. I can understand how children and daft adults don't see through the lies and deception that we are paying to see, but normal people know better. Don't they? Normal people makes up the majority of all people in the world so it would be fair to think that the majority of all viewers knows that it is nothing but lies that they are watching. Our clothes has become whiter than white and our dishes sparkling clean for decades and they are still getting "better". How is that even possible? Deodorants makes you irresistible to the opposite gender and toothpastes makes your teeth so white that no one can resist you when you smile. There is only one catch of course, you have to look like a model to begin with. No deodorant or toothpaste in the world will get you a date with a stunningly beautiful person if you are butt ugly and have an annoying personality. A ship load of money might do it, but deodorant and toothpaste? No.

And, since when is beetroot a natural ingredient in strawberry yoghurt?  Shouldn't it be natural to have strawberries in a strawberry yoghurt and beetroot in a beetroot yoghurt? The word "natural" still doesn't make it right.

We are paying to have strangers insult us in our own homes. It's absurd. We're also paying to have our relaxing TV watching experience cut up in little pieces. Sure you can go to the bathroom, make something to eat or even have quick sex during the interruption, but you don't get to pick when you want to do those things or if you really want to do them in 7 - 9 minute intervals.

So that's it. I'm done cursing in frustration. I'm becoming a pirate because I can get the TV shows I want to see on the Internet and 100% free from commercials. I can watch them when I want to and I decide when I want a pause if I want one. I would never pay to have some odd person come to my home and insult me several times per hour so why pay to be insulted by my TV? It makes no sense to me and I'm wondering why it took me so long to act on it.

(VegasMike)

Spot the difference...

I'm so fucking tired of trying to make people understand what the hell it is that I'm saying. Most of all I want to punch the lights out on those who can't comprehend the difference between not being able to do something and not wanting to do something. Take a closer look at it.

I cannot lift 100 kilos.
I do not want to lift 100 kilos.

Did you spot the difference? How about this then?

I cannot run.
I do not want to run.

Did you spot it this time too? Good for you. How can it be so hard to comprehend?
I'm banging my head against a wall of total stupidity and the only thing that I get from it is an intense headache.

It sorta reminds me of a story from when I was young. It was at a party and one (drunken) guy was loudly telling a guy in a wheelchair that he was a looser and whatnot, and that he would be able to walk if he really wanted  it. Two other guys grabbed the loud guy and threw him out the window while telling him that he could fly if he really wanted to.

The loud guy did not fly.

Darkest Day

Divided soul of a troubled man

The final fight

The final need to understand

These tangled roots

ripped from the ground

Abandonment and worry

Forever to be found

Rain. Rain. Rain

Take this hand of sorrow

Take away my darkest days

Rain. Rain. Rain.

Take away my darkest days

Return me for I feel I'm here to say

For just one moment of peace I long to know

I can see the storm clouds calling me back home

The blood of the hurricane where the water is never still

Life is a loaded gun

Love is a bullet that sometimes kills

-=[Black Label Society]=-

I want you to kill me...

I have never felt such frustration

Or lack of self control

I want you to kill me

And dig me under, I wanna live no more

One who doesn't care is one who shouldn't be

I've tried to hide myself from what is

Wrong for me, for me

I want to taste dirty, a stinging pistol

In my mouth, on my tongue

I want you to scrape me from the walls

And go crazy like you've made me

-=[Alice in Chains]=-

Going down...

I'm stuck in a down spiral and I've been trying to get out of it, but now I think it's time to simply give up, sink and hopefully drown. The stress and sorrow that has been my life during the last couple of months is breaking me and I don't know how to put myself together again. How can you live when life hurts so bad that you want to be permanently sedated. Needless to say, I'm back on the juice again and I'm not even trying to make any excuses for it.

Fairness is a human idea.

Life itself is not human.

Better it would be

(Biomechanoid by H.R Giger)

Better it would be for me

And better it would have been

Had I not been born, not grown

Not been brought into the world

Not had to come to this earth

Not been suckled for the world

If I'd died a three-night-old

Been lost in my swaddling hand

I'd have needed but a span of doth

A span more of wood,

But a cubit of goof earth

Two words from the priest

Three verses from the cantor

One clang from the bell

-=[Amorphis]=-

Hush...

Hush little baby don't you cry
Daddys gunna sing you a lullaby
To show he cares.
But you must keep our secret safe
Is this love or is this hate?
I feel so scared.

Son of a bitch you broke my heart
I need a little loving
To take away the pain
How could you let me down
When I'm in your care?

-=[Tasmin Archer]=-

Wyrd - Kalivägi

The day I tried to live

(Paranoia by Henning Büllier)

Words you say never seem

To live up to the ones inside your head

The lives we make never seem

To ever get us anywhere but dead

The day I tried to live

I wallowed in the blood and mud with

All the other pigs

With a broken neck, Lays my broken gift, Just like suicide

(Devil's Food - Olivia de Berardinis)

Like Suicide - Soundgarden

Heard it from another room

Eyes were waking up

Just to fall asleep

Love's like suicide

Dazed out in a garden bed

With a broken neck

Lays my broken gift

Just like suicide

And my last ditch

Was my last brick

Lent to finish her

Finish her

She lived like a murder

How she'd fly so sweetly

She lived like a murder

But she died just like suicide

Bit down on the bullet now

I had a taste so sour

I had to think of something sweet

Love's like suicide

Safe outside my gilded cage

With an ounce of pain

I wield a ton of rage

Just like suicide

With eyes of blood

And bitter blue

How I feel for you

I feel for you

She lived like a murder

How she'd fly so sweetly

She lived like a murder

But she died just like suicide

Yeah

And my last ditch

Was my last brick

Lent to finish her

Finish her

With eyes of blood

And bitter blue

How I feel for you

I feel for you

I feel for you

I feel for you

I feel, oh

I feel for you

She lived like a murder

How she'd fly so sweetly

She lived like a murder

But she died just like suicide

Sometimes paranoia's...

... just having all the facts.

What do you do when you run out of options?

(Nusch Eluard by Dora Maar 1932)

When the only thing left is the unacceptable? When you are trapped between what you need and what you can't have, and there is no other way out. Only one door left.