Santa Sightings. (17)

 "It was I who shot Santa," says Bounty Hunter Howling Mad Murdock, "But I did not shoot the reindeers, they were already dead when I got there."

"Santa may have been the greatest escape artist in the world but he can't escape death,"  says the NPPD spokesperson. "We are happy to see that the world's enemy #1 is gone and dealt with. He will no longer harm any animals, kids or people."

Santa Sightings. (16)

Santa is now wanted world wide and the criminal charges are stacking up. Break in and entry, armed robbery, sexual harassment, attempted murder, spreading classified information and co-working with Julian Assange, spreading bad checks, statutory rape, driving with a suspended license, wearing white after labour day, animal cruelty, defying the laws of physics and bribing Dick Cheney. Unconfirmed rumours also links Mr Santa Claus to Al-Qaeda and Osama Bin Laden.
"Santa is public enemy #1" says a source within the Pentagon. "He has to be stopped at all costs or life as we know it on earth will be gone within a year."

Santa Sightings. (15)

Christmas.

"Ho, ho, ho!" Santa twitters from his secret hangout. 

"The bitch took all I own in the divorce so I can only afford one present and I'm giving it to myself."

Merry Christmas to you all!

T-Shirt

The Fourth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States, meant to prevent unwarranted search and seizure, is readable on TSA body scanners.

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

Metallic Ink.

 (Land of the Free by David Vincent Wolf)

Happy Fucking Friday!

Santa Sightings. (14)

1 day until Christmas.

Santa escaped as he was left alone in the court bathroom.

"We feel kinda stupid now," says an anonymous source within the NPPD. 

"We know that Mr Claus is an expert escape artist and 

we still made the mistake of leaving him alone and without handcuffs. 

We fell for his charm and promises about filled stockings."

That's what friends are for...

Santa Sightings. (13)

2 days until Christmas.

A spokesman for the NPPD releases a statement:

We apprehended Mr Claus as he tried to hire a hit man using the money from the bank robbery. 

We can also confirm that Mrs Santa was the target and that 

we have moved her and the elves to a safe location.

You know it's a myth!

Santa Sightings. (12)

3 days until Christmas.

Santa is caught on tape as he robs a bank.
"He acted like a mad man," says an eye witness, "He had to be high on drugs."

"My 3 year old had brought his piggy bank to put money on his account for the first time," says Sandy Hill with tears in her eyes. "Santa smashed the piggy bank and took the money.
How do I explain this to my son? Santa is Evil!"

Crossroads

(Moonrise at the Crossroads by Jude Cowell)

This day has always marked the "emotional" new year to me. This is the darkest day of the year and tomorrow the day will be longer and there will be more light. The light refuels me and gives me a well needed spark and I'm always looking forward to this day because of that. I know that the extra daylight will not be noticeable for a while, but emotionally I can already feel the sunshine on my face.

Santa Sightings. (11)

4 days until Christmas.

Santa's healing his broken heart with one of his good friends.
The bar keeper identifies the hot blonde as "one of the Baywatch actresses",
while a customer says that the woman is Miss December 2008.